Gig 'Em

Out on the left coast I run into quite a few Longhorns and Texans in general. I don't, however, run into many Aggies. Considering that both schools are pretty big, I always wonder why that is. My theory is that their cartography department doesn't produce maps that chart anything outside of a 150 mile radius from the Collie breeder reactor that is College Station. I have a mental image of a medieval type map with everything outside of that radius simply shrouded in mist with a vague outline of a man and "There be Giants There" written in Old English. And of course the map legend that has a dragon, a sword and a compass with North pointing down. Remember we're talking Aggies here.

Anywho, I was at a friend's barbeque to watch the Steelers/Bengals game (I have a lot of friends from Ohio) and I am wearing my burnt orange Texas hoodie. As the day progresses and the USC alums get over the fact their team lost (btw SC fans, that game wasn't a tree falling in the woods, everyone saw it) a guy comes up to me and says, "Hey! I went to A&M and I was saying Hook 'Em. In fact I was a scholarship tennis player there. But it was good to see a Big 12 team win. So Hook 'Em!"

The first thought that came to my mind was, "A&M has a tennis team?"

My second thought was to look for the hidden camera, because I could not believe an Aggie was complementing the Longhorns. Needless to say, I wasn't on "Punk'd".

So I thought to myself that I must have found the one sophisticated, levelheaded Aggie in all of creation. So I ask him, "What do you think of Coach Fran?"

He answers, "Fran is gone. He has turned this team into a mess. There are times the team quit and, I mean, what was he doing in the Clemson game?"

I nodded my head. It seemed like a pretty reasonable stance.

"I mean," he continued, "before the season it was Reggie, Vince one and two as QB's in the Big 12..."

I don't know what hit the ground first, my jaw or his credibility. I could not believe my ears. After all the empirical evidence to the contrary, the gomers still think that Reggie was a better talent and somehow Fran had taken A&M's vast and glittering resources and run them into the ground. Unbelievable. No matter how reasonable an Aggie may seem, there is a blind spot the size of sun when it comes to a fair evaluation of things pertaining to Aggiedom. But I guess it is the willful disregard for the obvious that makes an Aggie an Aggie. It is also a willful disregard for the obvious that puts kids into the classes that require you to go to school on a little short bus. Which I guess is what going to school in Aggieland really is in the broader perspective. So I walked away and got another beer and hoped whatever those Aggies have isn't contagious.